worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
