dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
