You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
