I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
