in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
