Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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