i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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