I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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