Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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