wakey wakey hands off snakey
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I supernannyed him into submission
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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