It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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