remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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