Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
