I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
