I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He passed out mid-signature
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
