he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This is my gift to your gina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
