Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
