I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
