Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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