I just cut my nipple shaving
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
