Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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