So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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