maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My feet surprised me
Randomize
