I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
