apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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