hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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