I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
