Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
