You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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