happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
