How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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