I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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