I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
