TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
