Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I want to be your penis for a week.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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