btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no, he came in my armpit
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
