this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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