After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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