someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
