He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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