Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
