I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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