There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
