I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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