I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
