one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
