I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
