Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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