I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
