I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
