they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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