Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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