I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
