Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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