I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
