I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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