you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
