When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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