I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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