I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
