My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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