I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
